The two biggest gifts we have on this orbiting rock are our body and our time. Your body is a remarkable machine capable of way more then your mind gives it credit. Let me hit you with some digits! That beautiful machine gets 24 hours every day (168 hours every week!) to soak up as much earth as possible. What a beautiful present from the big guy up stairs. Cut out 40-60 of those to earn a living and another 50-60 to recharge and drift off into snoozeville. So we got roughly 50 hours of wiggle room left and you’re telling me your lazy ass can’t commit 5 of those hours for exercise? I’m gonna have to throw the bullshit flag on ya bucko!
It’s the most common excuse I get and half the time I don’t even ask. People hear I’m a gym owner and they feel the need to tell me why they are a lazy turd. I don’t have time for that blah…blah…blah…blah…blah. All I hear is I’m a big fat lazy pussy fart. You might as well just make queefing noises at me because that’s all I hear.
If you currently don’t workout and you are a lazy P.O.S…don’t take this personally. If you don’t care, I don’t care. But the fact of the matter is WE ALL CARE! Before I go deeper, let’s just accept the fact that exercise is necessary for each and every one of us regardless of limitations, personal setbacks, kids, or yada, yada, yada gotta do it. Sorry…part of life. The longer you go without it, the more pathetic and decrepit your gift of a body becomes. It blows my mind the percent of the population that just says, “Fuck it! I’m done! I want some big ole rolls on my gut.” Don’t feel sorry for yourself—you can change. Life is too precious! One minute you can be chewin’ on a burger and the next, you can be dead meat. So put a smile on your mug and take care of your damn self.
Without exercise, the body begins to lack endorphins and energy. Without energy, it is ten times harder to enjoy the gift of time. That slug feeling, in turn, shuts down the natural endorphins you would’ve had if you weren’t acting like such a big turd. You can masturbate all you want, but the real high comes from busting your fitness nut. You wouldn’t believe the incredible rush that working out will give you as soon as you’ve finished your last rep. I love watching people leave my gym with a big cock strut ready to take on the world. They know they got it in, and boy oh boy, that feeling is better than eating green apples!
“Working out is kind of like wiping your ass. You may not always want to do, it but you had better, or no one will want to have sex with you…ever!” -Abraham Lincoln
Honest Abe couldn’t have spoken truer words. Give your lover what they desire. It’s not shallow to say that you are more attracted to a fit body—it’s how our brain is programmed. When I see a woman who clearly commits weekly time to the gym it’s a huge turn on. I’m not saying it’s the end-all-be-all of a relationship. If course you need a connection with your other half, because the X’s and O’s on that go much, much deeper. But just like wiping your ass, it is a necessity in my book. Now I’m not saying a six pack and ten percent body fat or you’re out the door. No, no, no. All I’m saying is a lazy turd is not attractive, so take care of your damn self.
This article may be more bold and brash than a new episode of “House” on Fox, but by golly, if I hit home with one person, it was all worth it. We got a whole new calendar year ahead of us and people CAN and DO change. So knock the dust of that duffle bag, fill it with some gym clothes and never look back. Give me a shout out if I made a dent!